Friday, September 25, 2009

Be a good Australian, beat up an Indian!

Australian Prime Minister, who I believe is a good enough bloke, Kevin
Rudd, has put a call out to Indians in Australia to not break the law,
in retaliation against attacks. Obviously Farrukh Dhondy has caused a
stir by asking Indians to organize and fight back. I agree with
Dhondy totally that in any civilized society, it would be perfectly
legal to use any means available in self defence. Just as the attacks
themselves are not very considerate of what is legal, why should the
retaliation be? I'm not sure why this point has not been brought up
to make Kevin Rudd shut up.

But let's spare a thought for what Australia is really up against.
For many years, Australia had a "white only" immigration policy. In
other words, they made sure whoever immigrated to Australia legally
had to be white. Now if that is not being racist, what is? It is in
their very national psyche to be racist, and never mind the great big
embrace of a progressive culture many Australians genuinely subscribe
to these days.

At some level, if you have made an enormously stupid decision in
national policy, somebody is going to pay for it at some point in
time. If China wasn't importing Australian coal and India wasn't
sending so many students to fuel Australia's economy, that country
would pretty much have nothing going for it. It isn't as if all
Indians would come running back to India and put an abrupt halt to
their four billion US dollars worth of educational income
contribution. Bank balances take a while to react to events like
these.

However, what is likely to be eroded away is the image of Australia as
a modern, diverse, progressive society. Every act of Australia is
going to be viewed through a lens of suspicion. If this gets any
worse, and it is almost certain to - Australia will pay a very heavy
price socially. Even though these attacks have been largely Melbourne
centric, and apparently in economically backward areas, they have a
way of polarising how people view one another, and the contribution
that ethnic Indians make to Australia will be a lot more close minded
from now on.

Why this is guaranteed to get worse is that negative energies always
have to run their course till the worst repurcussions are felt by the
average Australian. Karma runs in big circles where national policies
are concerned. Anger, resentment, hatred, prejudice, and the
inevitable member of this club, stupidity, all feed upon each other
rather well, and grow in size and variety, and really flourish when
unleashed like this. Ah, today we have a report on television that
the neighbours of racial attack victims are feeling scared, of
reactions, and are not coming out after dark! How lovely that people
who had nothing to do with these attacks, except for belonging in the
same nationality of those idiots have to pay a price already!

Today, an Indian cab driver in Australia was kicked and punched by
Michael Hurley, a football player, when he asked for the fare.
Putting it down to the influence of alcohol, from which there is a
"lesson for everybody", Victoria PM, Brumby has called the footballer
a "good kid" after being arrested at the scene of the crime. Sure
there were the usual noises, but certainly drowned in appreciation of
how "good" this "kid" was. Bloody donkeys these Australians I tell
you. What a disgrace to the few decent people that must live there.

Our college students in Australia are not "good kids", most definitely
not when they don't get drunk, don't beat up people and don't get
arrested. Or else for some reason, maybe racism, none of the
Australians ever used this wonderful term to describe a single Indian
as a "good kid". It is time Indians turned out to be good kids, just
like their Australian counterparts, got drunk and started beating
people up. Couldn't they be told when they get their visas what
Australia considers "good" behaviour?

It must be "excellent" behaviour when it takes seventy Australians to
beat up three Indians. Those numbers are simply astounding. Our boys
took a pounding and survived? Hats off, boys! Australia has managed
to arrest six people in connection with this excellent incident. The
local authorities have apparently decided to open up Hindi helplines
and have asked Indians to call when they are being attacked!!

Today, Peter Verghese, the Australian High Commissioner to India, made
the usual reconciliatory statements to insist Australia is with India
on Arunachal Pradesh. Last month, Australia joined China in scuttling
an ADB loan to an irrigation project in Arunachal Pradesh. China had
lobbied for support, arguing that the Bank cannot fund projects in
Arunachal Pradesh as it is a disputed area. When did Arunachal
Pradesh become a disputed territory? At this rate, I might lose my
house to Mozambique!

Verghese actually went on record saying today that their vote at the
ADB was neither pro-China nor anti-India, but really was in line with
a resolution passed by the management of the ADB. Smooth talking
chap, who gives me something else to think about - the alleged
Christian conspiracy to block India's progress. I wouldn't be
surprised if this fool was a member of some think tank that believes
India's progress can be stopped by scuttling some loan for some
irrigation program.

It is clear that Australia is losing it. They need the money China is
throwing at them for their coal, India is throwing at them for their
increasingly dubious educational system and institutions, they're
looking real bad being one of the most polluting countries in the
world, their people are behaving terribly, and now fear is gripping
their society. Fantastic ingredients for progress, mate?

- BSK.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Julia Roberts needs 350 bodyguards????

Julia Roberts is filming in a temple in India on her next film and for
most part has been welcomed, but now for the small reason of showing
up with 350 bodyguards in a bulletproof car and for preventing local
people from worshipping at their own temple, she is being cursed.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/julia-roberts-army-of-350-bodyguards-angers-villagers/520548/

What is at play here? Not even Barack Obama needs 350 bodyguards, and
who the heck is going to shoot Julia Roberts? Someone has gone
insane, and it sure isn't the local villagers who are being prevented
from using their temple in the holiest time of their religious
calendar - Navaratri. Either Julia Roberts is using a local security
agency that guaranteed her security in all situations short of a
nuclear strike, and has paid through her pretty nose, or she's really
paranoid. The former would point to an overdone bit of caution
engineering, but the latter shouldn't surprise us one bit.

For all her Oscar winning abilities as an actress, we mustn't forget
she is American, and she is white, and is perhaps easiest to convince
that any place in the world other than her neighbourhood is dangerous
in one way or the other. Three hundred and fifty bodyguards sounds
like somebody went cuckoo, but that is what white American people look
to the rest of the world anyway. Would it also not be easier to put a
bullet in this woman in the USA, with better weapons available and
better getaway facilities? I bet she doesn't use a bullet proof car
there.

American film crews also have a habit of applying their values to the
places they go abroad to film in. They are not above making demands
that are strange and new to the local culture, even in a heavy movie
making culture like India, even while enjoying the comforts like "spot
boys" that you never see on a Hollywood film set. If Julia Roberts'
hair can be insured against the available of Evian water for its daily
wash to a ridiculous dollar figure, chances are, her schedule is of
insane importance to someone who, somewhere in the value chain,
absolutely needs to finish the film on time with no interruptions
whatsoever, and is willing to pay top dollar or bribe rupee to ensure
her safety and the security of the filming location to the nth degree.

What is insulting to me as an Indian, however, is not so much Julia
Roberts' perception of India or lack of it that may have prompted this
ridiculous security cordon, but the fact that India, which flatly
refused to guarantee the security of the Indian Premier League last
year, is willing to bend over backwards to accommodate the needs of a
stupid movie project. The IPL is important to Indians and the
millions of cricket fans following it. It should not have moved to
South Africa for security reasons, the worst of them being that the
government actually went on record saying it was unable to provide
security for the mega event because of elections.

When Ms. Jayalalithaa, the AIADMK supremo, wanted to travel to the USA
with her 30 odd or 40 odd bodyguards, the US government went far
enough to refuse their visas! She is much more of a target than Julia
Roberts can ever be, and that is not a compliment to either woman, but
the incongruence of the values applied stands out in comical
exaggeration. White Americans always believe their lives are more
precious than other people's, and behave accordingly, no matter how
many children of other pedigrees may be adopted by Brad Pitt and
Angelina Jolie.

At a time when Israel has issued warnings of terrorist attacks in
India, and asked its people and Americans to not go to India,
somewhere, some madness has been let loose to enable this film
production. It is downright stupid to ignore these warnings,
especially if you are an American coming to India after what happened
in Mumbai on September 26th last year, but if you are coming to make a
film in some remote village, wouldn't you want to keep it low profile?

Julia, if you are indeed in charge of this stupid decision to hire 350
bodyguards, shame on you, not for being so scared of your fragile
f***ing existence as a human, but for your ignorance. Any and all
bullsh** you may feed the world in any forum about you caring for the
planet and wanting to help others in any way is nothing but a tardy PR
exercise. You are as fake as anybody else, and you could generously
apologize not to us but to people like Erin Brokovich, who failed to
inspire you to a more courageous existence. If you aren't responsible
for this rubbish, move, lady! Fire the fools who are making you look
so stupid.

By the way, is your car really bulletproof? That's what they said
about the vests used by the Mumbai policemen who got killed by
terrorists' bullets. You better pray before you eat or love! Welcome
to India.

- BSK.

Friday, September 18, 2009

A celebration of Kitsch.

Kitsch - from Sakalakala Vallavan to Quick Gun Murugun (why MuruGUN
instead of MuruGAN?), Indian cinema has slowly but snugly covered
itself in this one description - Kitsch, and seems fairly proud of it.

It is as derogatory as Mumbai cinema calling itself Bollywood and
feeling proud of its failure to rise above third rate glitz, spiced
with fizz, sizzle and a burst of shitz. But it is uniquely Indian.
Post independence India (the only India, really) has found its final
sense of belonging! In Kitsch. Our biggest expressions in the world
of art are still very Kitsch.

We're proud of it because we can afford to be lazy under this umbrella
called Kitsch. It is a warm, fuzzy feeling, when a billion of us can
agree to stay mediocre! Well, shitz, we can even go lower! Thank God
the true artists of this country can still stay out of this mess.
They're not in the news, for the news is also mostly ten pages of page
three, and they're not on TV because TV journalism in India is still
very much about decibels and cheap tricks. No wonder there are so
many shrill women thriving in this media culture and not finding
anything of substance to bring to us.

When Kitsch comes about through a work of art skidding on incongruency
and stumbling over paradoxes, finally landing on the inexplicable that
nobody noticed until that moment, it can be very fun, rewarding and a
nice little dose of low brow. It might even start a new subculture if
the subtleties are handled well, and the perspective is fresh. Then
it has the potential to be substantial, even hope to become art at
some level.

With a starting point marinated in the kind of disconnect Mumbai
cinema is famous for, it can take the best aim at creating Kitsch.
German or not, the word has been adopted by India to define itself.
It's a mess. Whether it is cinema, or signboards, or seats in a bus,
elegance please excuse thyself! This is India.

The stench of urine that hits us as soon as our train enters Chennai
Central, the number of times our cinema viewing experience is marred
by idiots letting their cellphones ring in theatres, the confusing
signs that lead to defunct facilities, the phones that don't work, and
people giving advice when not asked - each of this is our celebration
of Kitsch. Why do we take this attack on our senses so quietly?
Because we have been muted by the enormity of Kitsch around us!

A billion people subscribing to nothing but shit will ensure nothing
but shit gets delivered to us, even if a few of us want to be spared
the landslide. People cannot be inflicted with good taste. But if
there is any way the few of us who want to buy insulation from the
"cattle class", we would gladly do so.

Shashi Tharoor, Minister of State for External Affairs got into a bit
of trouble for saying he would travel "cattle class to show solidarity
with our holy cows". The humour in it actually highlights the
experience of being in India. We are a bloody herd. To have a human
experience, in dignity and quiet, it takes some doing in public spaces
in India.

The paradoxes that Paul Merton might find fascinating about India, and
the inspiration that Baz Luhrman might have got from "Bollywood" for
his film Moulin Rouge are nothing but slices others can tolerate from
us. Our Kitschy behaviour is hardly bearable beyond the early points.
It is beginning to wear real thin. It isn't what we should be
subjecting ourselves to, and it certainly isn't something to be proud
of.

Let's stop the parade that "This is India". The middle class is right
now turning snooty with new found wealth, the power to buy, and
doesn't care. The upper class has long since bought the insulation
they need. The lower class in India is striving hard to come up to
the middle class. but they still don't have the means to rise above
their squalor. When they reach the middle class, they won't care
either. Because they are OUR people!

It may be too much for any of us to question another Indian's "right"
to contribute to the filth in the neighbourhood, to drive like a
lunatic, to spread rumours, to disrespect the law, and to be loud and
despicable in every way. Not all of us have the energy to stand up
against all the ills that we are putting up with. If that were the
case, we wouldn't be such a Kitsch society. But we definitely must
get this notion out of our heads that we cannot really change. We are
cattle, (no doubt about that Shashi Tharoor), but we certainly can
express our disapproval and we can certainly behave better. Maybe in
the sheer numbers we have contributed to the Kitsch, we can begin to
dismantle some of it. Kschitz!