Some new definitions - evolved with the times.

Diplomacy - The art of making the most unjustified actions, the most
unspeakable of crimes, and the most unfair of demands sound extremely
fair and reasonable.

Culture - The presentation of unquestioned collective habits and
rituals as something to be proud of.

Government - The mechanism we can blame everything on after we put
every effort into setting it up to solve all the problems we had in
the first place.

Democracy - The only way we know right now to slow down the fast, dumb
down the intelligent, weaken the strong, and feel good about
mediocrity replacing excellence.

Society - The best way to make an individual who hates the mob become
part of it.

Nationalism - Same as goondaism, but with a flag.

Goondaism - Same as nationalism, but without the hypocrisy.

Patriotism - The umbrella under which all crooks, thieves, murderers,
rapists, hypocrites, shenanigans, and other low life can be forgiven
for their wrongdoings.

Decency - What you need to put on when others are watching, especially
if it is against your nature.

Peace - What ensues when nobody has the balls to stand up and fight.

History - What was written earlier to show us how well our ancestors
hid their mistakes.

Freedom - What is always yours but can still be sold to you. It is
also what you have in plenty when nobody cares about what you do.

Nation - A land mass with borders denoting the extent to which we can
identify with others stuck on the same land mass.

The National Anthem - A filtered, presentable account of how blessed
we are with all the great things about our country that we can fight
over, pollute and trash.

National bird - A bird that actually knows what nation it belongs to.

National game - A game we would love to be good at.

Education - The process by which your intelligence can be subdued,
your originality killed, and you can be made willing to exchange your
greatness for grades.

Higher education - The process by which you can show how much your
intelligence has been subdued, your originality has been killed, and
how much you were willing to exchange your greatness for grades.

Military - The honourable institution that we set up to do our killing
for us. Consumer base of the weapons industry.

Police - The less honourable institution that we set up to threaten
and bully and beat before they do their killing for us. Unrealized
consumer base of the fitness industry.

War - Weapons industry clearance sale.

Doctors - The most qualified and effective salespersons in the
pharmaceutical industry.

Lawyers - People who know the law so well they can show you ways to
get away with breaking it.

Religion - A way to get close to God that God would never approve of.

Faith - Something you can lean on when you have no knowledge.

Politicians - Those we create to exploit us, so that we can use them
as excuses for our lack of development.

Progress - The term used to describe how much better we feel today
about being just as screwed up as we were yesterday.

Conscience - What would make you really angry if you had it.

Justice - What you can get if you are willing to fight, faster if you
are willing to bribe.

Integrity - The hardest thing to maintain, the easiest thing to let go
of, and the biggest impediment to bliss.