Oh, shut up, Leo!

A few days ago, came the damning headlines in THE HINDU - The USCIRF places India on Watch list. We also had a news item that India "regretted" this.

This would be the United States Commission on International Religious Freedom, no less. It sounds like an organization that should send shivers down our spines if we flouted any religious freedoms. At the very least, it tickles mine.

>>>>"It is extremely disappointing that India, which has a multitude of religious communities, has done so little to protect and bring justice to its religious minorities under siege," said Leonard Leo, USCIRF chair. "USCIRF's India chapter was released this week to mark the one-year anniversary of the start of the anti-Christian violence in Orissa."<<<<

This definitely sounds as if religious minorities in India are scurrying for cover. "It's a siege!" no less. It sounds like we're refusing admission to Christian children in our schools, refusing to admit Muslim patients in our hospitals, and there's mayhem on the streets with women being raped and communities being pillaged. Sorry, none of that is happening, and we have an Italian catholic woman as the head of the most powerful political party in the country, a Sikh Prime Minister, and a woman President who just followed a Muslim president.

Meanwhile, Shah Rukh Khan, described as an "international icon" by US diplomats earlier today, was harassed and detained at the Newark airport just because his last name was Khan. It took the Indian Consulate to vouch for him, before he was let go so he could be part of the Indian Independence Day celebrations in the USA. I hope this makes SRK think twice before he declares himself the biggest movie star in the world the next time, but he has, as unwittingly as some of his movies have become successes, helped highlight something of importance.

For a diplomatically sophomoric, adolescent country like the USA to be giving advice to a country like India, particularly on the subject of religion and freedom is a bit like an opportunistic hyena telling a tigress how she should bring up her cubs.

The Chairman of the USCIRF is a conservative Christian, appointed by the wisdom of GW Bush. That in itself should suffice to dismiss him from any position of international import. Forgiving that flaw would be easy compared to the 600,000 Iraqis killed in the name of "freedom" by the US military.

The USCIRF describes itself thus - "USCIRF is an independent, bipartisan U.S. federal government commission. USCIRF Commissioners are appointed by the President and the leadership of both political parties in the Senate and the House of Representatives. USCIRF's principal responsibilities are to review the facts and circumstances of violations of religious freedom internationally and to make policy recommendations to the President, the Secretary of State and Congress."

Sounds like without such a lengthy declaration, we'd arrive at the truth – "the USCIRF is an organization headed by a conservative Christian appointed by a born again Christian, to collect data, filter out the reasons for but highlight violence against Christians, and present such information through diplomatic channels so as to cause embarrassment to other nations."

The Catholic Bishops Conference of India has put out this news of India being "watched" on their website like it is some kind of vindication of India's collective stance on their religion, while making no attempt to provide their perspective on the truth of the incidents that have invited this kind of attention.

The Chairman of the USCIRF, Leonard Leo, stands for abolishing abortion. In other words, he believes women should lose their freedom to abort their unwanted pregnancies. If given a chance, he would wreak havoc on India with his conservative Christian beliefs, leading to the abolition of scientific theories about evolution, and eventually conclude to every mind in India that Christianity is the only way. This is his first sneak attack on India, and he deserves being served notice.

India exists as a multicultural, multi ethnic, and multi religious society precisely because of its secular and essentially very Hindu inclusive tradition. This doesn't have anything to do with religion. And yet, Hindus are the reason India is secular. Without the enormously evolved presence of Hindus, Christians and Muslims would have killed each other to take over this abundant land.

India has not occupied another country, not caused war, death and destruction of other peoples, and does not interfere in the internal affairs of other nations, like the USA. It is a blatant insult to India to even be mentioned in some arbitrary fashion about religious freedom, especially when it comes from a conservative Christian think tank in the USA, who are all thriving on the history of destroying an entire culture of Native Americans.

The Spanish Inquisition has taken more lives than many wars have – in the name of religion. Where was the USCIRF then? All of a sudden, it is fashionable to use the Obama administration's diplomatic clout to make an attempt, however feeble, at providing some kind of protection to Christian movements in India with dubious credentials when it comes to secular activities.

The people of the USA themselves do not take kindly to proselytizing and by and large, believe in religion being a personal thing. Indians have that sort of outlook too. When Christian groups come to India and try to take advantage of the economically challenged to further a religious agenda of recruitment, it is bound to anger some people. By no means does Hinduism condone acts of violence in the name of religion, but Hindus, who have never been baptized into any religion, by the way, do not take kindly to the whole philosophy behind religious conversion through persuasion.

In this context, it is high time secular India told adolescent USA to keep its inept comments and opinions on religious freedom to itself. We'd run out of names for watch lists if we were to return the compliment to the USA.

WADA PODA!

All Indian cricketers are united on this one - against the regulations
of World Anti Doping Agency, or WADA, that require our cricketers do
just as any other athlete or sportsperson signed on to these norms,
state where they are going to be available every single day for an
hour, so that they can be tested for drug abuse.

Of course this is needless extra work that players have to put in to
make the lives of someone else, namely the WADA workers, easy. It is
irritating to say the least. More than an invasion of privacy, this
is simply not what Indian cricketers are used to or should be
subjected to.

Why not? Our cricketers are not against being tested, but they don't
want to tell some arbitrary third party where they are going to be for
a specific hour every single day! This is a questioning of our
lifestyle, and we hate it. We Indians die for one thing - freedom to
be lazy and random. We hate being organized to this level, and now
some foreign idiot is telling us to adhere to his norms? Of course we
are going to resist.

The players are also supposed to give residence details, competition
and training locations and regular activity locations. Apart from the
locations, the form also demands the precise address of the "one off"
location at which the player will be present for any significant
period of time on any particular day. Sounds like they're really
pushing it. Oh, yes, we definitely love the "precise address" part!

Abhinav Bindra has no problems against this, because he is that kind
of person, in that kind of sport. He knows discipline, order,
meticulousness, planning, rigour - that sort of thing. Our cricketers
know brilliance, bravado, pressure, having to represent a massive
population, being ambassadors in more ways than one, and so they are
pampered in the way we treat them. Simple - our cricketers are
emotionally closer to us than Abhinav Bindra. Who can blame anyone
for this?

Should they be above board? Most certainly not, but can we ignore how
they can afford to feel? Our cricketers almost single handedly have
been responsible for a feeling of self worth of the famous Indian "man
on the street". We were WINNING in cricket way before we won in
anything else! That is why we love our cricketers. It isn't easy to
grow a cricket market like India overnight. There isn't going to be
another IPL, no matter how much anybody tries to copy it. Fact of
life, it is lonely up there at the top and only India is there in the
cricketing pecking order. The Australians seem to have got around to
the fact and have embraced their few places in this success story.
Brett Lee and Matt Hayden seem to totally get it.

So, it wouldn't hurt to give others a lesson in Indian culture either.
We treat our heroes differently. They're not going to stoop, not in
the least to do something as trivial and stupid as "comply" with some
stupid regulation. Come on! Get real.

The first assumption that needs to be struck down is that Indian
cricketers are just like everybody else. They are not. The second
assumption that needs to be struck down is that since other Indian
sportspersons have no problem with it, it has to be easy for Indian
cricketers to follow. Nothing can be further from the truth. Our
cricketers represent the biggest, most colourful, most flamboyant
dreams of success to us Indians. Our cricketers are top flight and we
love them for their successes, individual or collective. So, they
have come to represent a lot more than a game to us. They represent
us.

The most important thing to recognize here is that we Indians have
reached a place in our own minds and hearts where we don't want white
guys telliing us what to do. This is strictly high class vs low
class. Our cricketers are kings, some even emperors. We don't want
some drug testing peon from WADA trying to dictate any terms to any of
our kings. It is that simple. Sure we are class conscious, but now
we have the financial clout of the BCCI to actually tell whitey to
piss off and we're enjoying doing it at every opportunity. We ARE the
high and mighty here. And we will bloody well lead our lives the way
we want to.

There isn't ANYTHING these perhaps well meaning but clueless white
institutions can do against the simple fact that we respect our
emperors and we expect lower fools to shut up and put up. This is a
matter of respect. Our cricketers have so far not behaved
disrespectfully, but fully expect to be respected for their POWER.
Pure unadulterated power is what we have over the cricketing world.
Who is to dare tell us to give in?

If a WADA representative called any of our cricketers or their
managers and asked for one hour the next day, there'd be no problem
anywhere. It would be respectful enough, and wouldn't hurt the
process one bit. But expecting our cricketers to go onto some website
and maintain a schedule like a bloody schoolboy - forget it, clowns!
What're you going to do? Prevent Indian cricketers from participating
in the Olympics? Does it look like Harbhajan could get Sreesanth to
cry over THIS?

This is a question of WADA officials putting thought into an obstacle
they did not foresee but cannot ignore - IF they want some compliance
from Indian cricketers that is. There is a lot more than a bloody
website here at play. My money is on BCCI's financial clout coming to
the fore again, and getting their way, and on the "white" block in
cricket harping forever that India abuses its power in world cricket!

WADA ngotha PODA!

Some new definitions - evolved with the times.

Diplomacy - The art of making the most unjustified actions, the most
unspeakable of crimes, and the most unfair of demands sound extremely
fair and reasonable.

Culture - The presentation of unquestioned collective habits and
rituals as something to be proud of.

Government - The mechanism we can blame everything on after we put
every effort into setting it up to solve all the problems we had in
the first place.

Democracy - The only way we know right now to slow down the fast, dumb
down the intelligent, weaken the strong, and feel good about
mediocrity replacing excellence.

Society - The best way to make an individual who hates the mob become
part of it.

Nationalism - Same as goondaism, but with a flag.

Goondaism - Same as nationalism, but without the hypocrisy.

Patriotism - The umbrella under which all crooks, thieves, murderers,
rapists, hypocrites, shenanigans, and other low life can be forgiven
for their wrongdoings.

Decency - What you need to put on when others are watching, especially
if it is against your nature.

Peace - What ensues when nobody has the balls to stand up and fight.

History - What was written earlier to show us how well our ancestors
hid their mistakes.

Freedom - What is always yours but can still be sold to you. It is
also what you have in plenty when nobody cares about what you do.

Nation - A land mass with borders denoting the extent to which we can
identify with others stuck on the same land mass.

The National Anthem - A filtered, presentable account of how blessed
we are with all the great things about our country that we can fight
over, pollute and trash.

National bird - A bird that actually knows what nation it belongs to.

National game - A game we would love to be good at.

Education - The process by which your intelligence can be subdued,
your originality killed, and you can be made willing to exchange your
greatness for grades.

Higher education - The process by which you can show how much your
intelligence has been subdued, your originality has been killed, and
how much you were willing to exchange your greatness for grades.

Military - The honourable institution that we set up to do our killing
for us. Consumer base of the weapons industry.

Police - The less honourable institution that we set up to threaten
and bully and beat before they do their killing for us. Unrealized
consumer base of the fitness industry.

War - Weapons industry clearance sale.

Doctors - The most qualified and effective salespersons in the
pharmaceutical industry.

Lawyers - People who know the law so well they can show you ways to
get away with breaking it.

Religion - A way to get close to God that God would never approve of.

Faith - Something you can lean on when you have no knowledge.

Politicians - Those we create to exploit us, so that we can use them
as excuses for our lack of development.

Progress - The term used to describe how much better we feel today
about being just as screwed up as we were yesterday.

Conscience - What would make you really angry if you had it.

Justice - What you can get if you are willing to fight, faster if you
are willing to bribe.

Integrity - The hardest thing to maintain, the easiest thing to let go
of, and the biggest impediment to bliss.