The joy of winning, without losing any of it!

For a while I have been watching the IPL, edition 3, enjoying quite a bit of it, annoyed with some parts, disgusted with some parts, amused by some, and plain irritated with shit like the fucking MRF Blimp.

Watching my team CSK win the final yesterday was great.  CSK aren't my team because I live in Chennai, and since I don't, why would I pick them over the other teams?  They just seem like a relaxed, happy bunch that doesn't play for anything other than the fun of the game itself.  The Rajasthan Royals I like for a similar reason - they play well when they really don't have a chance, and especially when they don't have a chance.

I don't understand why some teams get so much more attention than the others, like the bloody Kolkata Knight Riders.  I believe they were the "most watched" team.  As if that counts for something, other than TV ratings.  How can a bunch of losers be the most watched bunch?  Are their supporters so big in number?  Statistically impossible.  Shah Rukh Khan is a draw but simply seeing him in the stands and occasionally humping a Shoaib Akhtar in a presentation cannot be reason enough to watch a disgruntled bunch of losers turn it off game after game.  There is artificial juicing up of KKR games, and it comes from television - like an invisible hand pushing them to be prominent, spoken about, written about, and even win if possible.

Could it be Lalit Modi's proxy stakes in KKR doing their stink job?  So what?  That's to be expected, but the way the asshole took the microphone and started addressing "the world" during the post match presentation took something away from the joy of Chennai Super Kings winning the trophy.  Somehow, if Mumbai had won it, the people who had cheered for Mumbai all along would not have left those lovely stands empty, and Modi's emotional address would have seemed absurd at such a happy time.  But, the badly delivered address from Modi, clearly written by his ghost writer, served to reinforce how nobody really seemed to care that much about CSK's win.  Shit, they're not KKR!

CSK seem to mind their own business.  Nobody even saw their owner in public until they had won the trophy, and his wife didn't run out and get her ass grabbed by the players either.  And yet, they not only won the trophy, they also won the "Fairplay Award" with a perfect score - which means, good natured guys with no negative attitude to show can also win, and win handsomely.  Not once during the whole season did CSK put on grim faces, show disrespect, or play the blame game when they lost.  And lose they did, quite a few.  They had won only 2 out of their first 7 games!  But Dhoni and his boys did exactly what was needed WHEN it was needed.  And they didn't make a fuss out of it either.  They gave their supporters a lot of joy.  Not one negative vibe.  Dhoni did catch Tendulkar and Tendulkar didn't walk when the umpire missed that one.  Dhoni didn't lose his cool, or the cup.  Sachin didn't lose his temper that much, but under pressure, he captained Mumbai like a moron - scared to death and making amateurish mistakes.

It just looked like one side was playing to win, and the other was playing to not lose.  Nightmares do come true, and never mind the dreams.  This is what happens to those that are groomed for greatness and those that know how to steal it and seal it when the opportunity comes.  Sachin was magnanimous in his praise for CSK and I'm sure Dhoni would have been no less had his side been humbled.  But the entire Mumbai Indians show was prepared for one thing - a Mumbai Indians victory, not a great cricket match!  That's why it became a Bollywood type of flop show for most people who came to watch Mumbai Indians win.  The CSK victory was not even an option in their fairytale run to the cup.  Alas, Dhoni doesn't court fairies.  He lets them run after  his mighty heart.

It would be one thing to simply be happy that CSK won, but I rather prefer to give the middle finger to the miserable losers who left the field without waiting for the presentation to be done with.  It had the Under 23 success of the tournament to be declared, it had the Purple Cap, the Orange Cap, and so many wonderful awards to be dispensed.  But none of that was good enough for the Mumbai crowd.  They just wanted to see Mumbai Indians win the IPL.  Many started leaving when there were four balls and 27 to get.  Sachin's team may have a few winners in it, but his staunch Mumbai supporters are all bloody sore losers.  They're not cricket fans, they're just bloodthirsty for one result.  But, it takes more than blowing horns and wearing blue to make your team win.  Your team needs to have the brains to get close and the balls to grab it when the opportunity comes.  Too bad your team had neither, fools!  Sachin's a great player no doubt, but he is no match for Dhoni tactically.  Mukesh Ambani might buy all the big names with big money, but Meiyappan's boys know how to make the merry charge to the top of the hill.  So fuck you unhappy bastards.

And what was all that Bollywood shit all about during the closing ceremony?  It was so foolishly uncreative and uninspiring, we could have been watching the Teleshopping network trying to sell us used cinema set furniture.  That big incredibly tall batsman was a great entrant, but he didn't do shit!  He just stood, while all the Bollywood fools did their shit and pushed the match into a late start.  How tardy.  It is clear A R Rahman doesn't have anything to offer, for if he did, and if any of the other pricks behind this pathetic non show had any ideas, we wouldn't have meaningless numbers, stupid actors cavorting and Rahman's horrible rendition of Vande Mataram for the n+10th time in his uniquely boring and sincerely empty way.  Fuck you Bollywood - stay out of our faces for a while, please.

A few words for Royal Challengers Bangalore, the other grim faced bums in red that made a pretense of a lot of shit before they got blown away.  You assholes look like you swallowed a can of decaying worms no matter how things are going on the field.  This IPL is supposed to be entertainment, and that means, happiness.  If Mallya and Kingfisher stand for "good times", you bastards stand for something like a plague outbreak.  I mean, what the fuck is up with your non smiling fuckfaces?  Kumble, you son of a constipated bitch, keep your team this unhappy and I wish you taxation and torture on your way to hell.  How dare you even mention you lost a game because Kallis batted slow?  Kallis was the one pillar you built your limited success on.  If he batted slow, it was your business to send him a message to get on with it!  How many fucking dot balls do you have to see before you can tell he is batting slow?  Thirty seven?  And what's up with showing so much anger towards your younger players.  We know how miserable you were as a fielder while playing for India, so what's up with this attitude?

And what's up with all that "go green" shit you thought we'd swallow?  Your owner flies in his own jet, and we're supposed to believe you are all going green, because of that piece of green pantyhose on your shoulders and pouring water on some plants in the stadium.  What do you take us for?  Your only job is to bloody entertain, fools, and you're miserable at it.  Now, fuck off.  Learn how to be happy.  Show some appreciation for the life that lets you play a game and make a good living out of it.  Show some appreciation for all the hard work people put in to pay for the tickets to come watch you play.  Winning is fun, but it must be fun to watch you play as well.  You don't have to be grim all the time and you certainly don't have to act professional when you're not good enough to win with your method.

This is just a game, and it's called cricket.  No matter how much science comes to it, and no matter how much management comes to help you focus on winning, it is still fundamentally a contest that should bring its own joy.  What's the worst you're going to face if you lose?  Certainly not a shooting squad!  So, what's your problem, assholes?  The least you can do is carry yourselves with some dignity and some lightness of being.  Ravi Shankar too lives in your town.  Consult him on how to relieve your constant constipation.  Heck, he might even tell you how to go green without being so flimsy about it.  Wouldn't hurt to get a chant a little better than R C B, a drummer who can actually beat a few rhythms and not look like he just cut loose after getting half a hair cut three years ago.  Get your police force to find those who planted bombs in your stadium, especially if they say it was the "betting mafia".  Looks like they know each other rather intimately.  Oh, yeah, we know you were trying hard to avoid playing Mumbai in the semi finals!  A fat lot that helped.

Now, you fucking Mumbai Indians, just in case you thought I'd let you go - why are you blaming your strategic errors so much for losing to CSK?  Why can't you just accept that you just couldn't beat Dhoni and his team?  If Pollard had come in earlier, for instance, Dhoni might have had him in knots with his spin trio and made him lose his timing.  In any case, saw how he shut him down with his clever field placing?  No fine leg, no third man, one deep mid off, one long off, and what does Pollard do?  Drill straight to Hayden at deep mid off!  It wasn't just Dhoni celebrating.  This was brains celebrating and stupidity disintegrating.  So, please accept that on this given night, CSK got it right, and your guys didn't.  It is as simple as that.

I'd be called a sore loser if CSK had not won even though I'd stand by everything I said so far.  But it's nice to be a winner and see how sore some losers can actually be.  Pretty sore by the look of it.  Deccan Chargers, you guys aren't sore at all, and I totally understand you just weren't mentally in it in the 3rd place playoff.  Thanks for the entertainment - what a magnificent charge you guys made!  I heard Ray Jennings say true winners are those who come back after being defeated.  No thanks, fool.  I think true winners are those who take the cup and run with joy, all the way.

Also, if you heard Matthew Hayden's interview, about how strong a tradition they are proud to represent, of Tamilnadu, both in cricket and culturally, and how it was a privilege and an honour to win this for their fans - it wasn't about tactics, strategy or competition.  It was bigger than the cricket, all right, and truly acknowledging some very real, well grounded facts about some very real people.  If this game had been played in Chennai, and CSK lost, the stadium would not have emptied out before the entire cerermony was over.  Saurabh Tiwary would have been cheered as much as any under 23 success of the league should have been, and Sachin would have been celebrated along with Dhoni, and the entire show would have been packed off with plenty of positive energy for the World T20.

You lousy Mumbaikars showed your disgust at your own team - a team that had entertained you for so long and topped the table, no less - you left them at the moment of reckoning - something Chennai would never do.  If winning is all important to you, how come you motherfuckers lost?  It's because you have small hearts, you bastards.  It's because you couldn't embrace your team and love them all the way, no matter what.  You wanted them to "deliver" something to you, because you "paid" for it.  Fuck you bloodsuckers and that damned attitude.  Life isn't a fucking formula, fools.  Now, stop analyzing all things MI did wrong that led to the defeat.  Mukesh Ambani can pump in a lot of money, but he can't guarantee victory against a side like the CSK that is just too happy to show up exactly when it matters.  Learn to respect that sort of positive energy.

CSK, you made the whole thing worth it, and if I may add - as always!  I have many wonderful memories - Vijay's sparkling century, Bollinger's fantastic bowling, and then holding his scalp so Raina wouldn't pull his hair a second time when he got a wicket, Dhoni clubbing Pathan, and Raina's screaming, free flowing strokes.  Oh yes, our catching was brilliant, including the one Jakati had to hop after taking clean as a whistle.

Thank you for so many lovely moments, your brand of cricket, your spirit of being, and for smiling so much, for playing so fair, and making us cricket fans all truly happy!  Now Mahi, time to get Team India to play like this in the Caribbean, and make even more of us very, very happy.

BSK.

The Knights in the dullest armour

The Kolkata Knight Riders are at the bottom of the table.

Hah, who would have thought! Sorry, KKR fans and Shah Rukh Khan die
hards, I did.

It's no secret. The first thing about the KKR, is SRK, not cricket.
He couldn't stop showing up till the slide was beyond arrest, and now
can't show up to support the hardest time for his team. It means one
of the two things - either it really doesn't matter whether he shows
up or not, or even worse, his team loses focus with him around.

We can read all kinds of connections between one and the other, but to
a bunch of professionals getting paid astronomical sums of money, it
really shouldn't matter who is around to "support" them or not.
They're earning their keep, not fighting for their lives! If they are
so emotionally fickle that they need an actor who doesn't know a rat's
arse about the game, certainly not at a professional level, then
they're doomed anyway.

It is that Mumbai movie industry mentality of fitting in parts to try
and make a whole that stinks all over the selection of John Buchanan
as coach. It is also that mentality of getting some "foreign" touch,
just like people in poor countries wanting to buy imported cars. The
"Indian" Premier League has recruited foreign cheerleaders, without a
thought on whether we could have put up a lovely show with all the
kinds of dances and dancers we have in our country. The rest of the
world would have thoroughly enjoyed our Kathakali dancers in full
costume, no doubt.

Lalit Modi is not evolved enough or visionary enough to think about
being so Indian, but his stunt of donating money to South African
schools would have won him a few fans. You can bet the move will win
him some political leverage, but that's another feather in a beggar's
cap - he wants to kill the Indian Cricket League but wants to have
goodwill with South African school children!

What is our obsession with foreigners? John Buchanan, the fool,
wouldn't have dared suggesting rotating captains if he was coaching
Australia, but doesn't mind messing around with our poor Kolkata team.
Ganguly was and is a respected name, and there is nothing even now to
show it was Dada's incompetence that cost KKR their performance.

That's what happens when you bring in a mercenary who makes money even
if his team loses. John Buchanan is known for being ruthless, and a
guy who is hired for being ruthless as his top billable quality is not
going to go very far in any field of work. Whatever can be the reason
for a sports team doing well or not, at this level, it cannot be
discipline, and it cannot be structure.

Shane Warne doesn't even have a team meeting or a strategy meeting
until the toss is done with. The Rajasthan Royals are the defending
champions. So much for planning every detail. But Buchanan probably
knows no more about this new format of the game than his tried and
trusted discipline approach. It's easy touting your militant methods
when you already have a dominating bunch of cricketers under you, but
nobody is scared of Makhana Ntini because he can run ten kilometres at
a fast clip. Ramesh Powar, of portly carriage and rumbling movement,
is equally capable of getting your wicket with his tossed up ripper.
The truth is, there is no formula to an extended run of success in a
skill sport.

Once in a while, there will be a combination of players that will do
the job exceptionally well. It takes a very clever person to ride the
wave when it comes, and to sense opportunity in potential barely
spotted. MS Dhoni is exceptional at this job, in reading the game
from moment to moment, and quietly enforcing his team's will on the
opposition till they reach their breaking point. Under him, nobody
feels pressure and they react well when they have to, because he is
the guy who can go out and say openly that his batting has been
"pathetic" only to come up with a blistering Man of the Match knock
the very next game, choking off fancied opponents. And then he talks
about how consistent they have been (with a smile) with dropping
catches!

On the other hand, Buchanan wants more foreign players in his side.
The clown needs to be reminded of this being the INDIAN Premier
League, not his grandmother's colonial slave plantation. It is a
clash of mentalities, and he has reacted very typically. The process
oriented disciplinarian will always blame something in the process
when something goes wrong. The worst losers always blame the system
working against their scheme of things. People who are so obsessed
with discipline and process are usually the empty shells when it comes
to ability, especially when it needs a touch of creativity. Control
freaks never make good coaches.

It was very ungainly seeing Shah Rukh Khan climbing on and hip humping
Shoaib Akhtar during one of the presentation ceremonies in the first
edition of the IPL. Shah Rukh Khan wants so much attention, it is a
surprise there is even a game on when he is around. Then that
exchange with Gavaskar, telling him to mind his own business when the
senior pro made a comment about the rotating captaincy not being a
good idea. None of this translated to the bottomline, and it isn't
Shah Rukh Khan's fault that his team isn't performing, but he can
certainly make it look better by staying away.

Right now, all the clowning has gone below ground, for if KKR lose
another match, and they will, they might as well go home. Shah Rukh
Khan lies exposed, looking miserable and stupid. John Buchanan
certainly wasn't paid to show up last, and KKR, without a leader they
can stick around and rally around, wonder why their coach wants more
foreign players on the field, knowing fully well that their already
very "foreign" players like Brendon McCullum haven't done anything
impressive so far.

It's a mess. But it's a weirdly shameless smiling mess. It's a
showy, glitzy mess, like another movie from Mumbai. KKR is a clear
example of how things can go wrong when the focus is on all things
except the deliverable quantity. They're not a happy team. They
aren't playing good cricket. They have let their fans down, and
they're not picking up any new fans if they continue on this path.
But then, who can tell Mumbai cinema what kind of movie not to make?
All they know is coming up with some more s**t covered in glitz. And
Shah Rukh Khan is their top representative. He is in no mood to sell
KKR because nobody would be paying the price he thinks he should get!
Maybe he should try and sell his team to some foreign sucker.