Are you fit for marriage?

I know a lot of people who are not happy in their marriages, and definitely more boring people after they got married than before.

I know a lot who are divorced and bitter, or even worse, sad. It doesn't matter whether the marriages are arranged or the partners chosen by each other - both sides of the aisle present candidates richly unfit for marriage. Clearly, there aren't that many formulae that work these days for a happy marriage, but I've noticed it is a certain "type" of people that indeed find marital bliss. You're not going to change the type of person you are, so you can delve into this simple set of questions to figure out if you are fit just for the wedding (which all your noble "qualifications" are good at determining), or indeed for the marriage that follows.

10. Are you getting married for any reason other than because it seems like the "right" thing to do?

9. Is your mate the person you would love to hang out with, no matter what life presents?

8. Do you have infinite patience and love for children, even at their irritating worst?

7. Do you have a sense of humour that peaks when life is hardest?

6. Do you know how to let your partner learn from his/her mistakes without saying "I told you so"?

5. Do you know to communicate how strongly you feel about something without getting emotional?

4. Is it important for you to really enjoy good sex?

3. Do you have a reserve tank of energy for emergencies that come up daily?

2. Are you a fun person that others would want to have around?

1. Are you crazy about your life, your friends, their lives, your family, their families, little ones, a packed schedule and the sheer madness of normal life and yet able to get away from it when you need a moment of quiet?

If you answered NO to any of the above, you might very well be fit for the wedding, but still unfit for marriage. My advice to you - don't get married. It's that simple. If you do, and life sucks, please stop complaining to others. Your marriage is what followed after your wedding, not mine!

On a positive note, don't buy into this crap that every marriage has its ups and downs. It is usually the smart ones that have most of the ups and the dumb ones that have most of the downs!

Why mess with Hinduism?

Like we in India need once more incident of this nature.... Today, churches in Mangalore were attacked by Bajrang Dal Activists. Shortly after, a spokesperson for Bajrang Dal came on TV and clearly and dispassionately said their activities will continue, and that they are not against Christians but against conversions carried out by an organization called New Life that has put out publications in print denouncing Hindu Gods as "not gods"! They want this organization banned.

Enough already by way of people refusing to evolve beyond religion and God and tearing each other up in the name of theories and beliefs that have no bearing on life beyond our own intent and behaviour! Enough already by way of throwing one more problem on a country that needs to solve a lot of problems like power, education and heath for all, eradication of diseases, and removal of corruption!

But, we cannot risk ignoring the forces that disturb peace, and those that wake up in reaction, disturbing peace further. There are interesting checks and balances that are not official, and I cannot help but think that in the absence of watchdog groups, however unrefined their purposes may be, there will be others quite happy to run amok with their agendas. Let moral high ground not be the place where we ignore what is real, and let us not run away to an educated escapist's haven of pure but aloof consideration alone. We do have a problem in India - a clash of religions in an imperfect but powerful mix of great potential, for both growth and destruction.

This is the time when we can most certainly look up to a higher existence that we should all subscribe to, grow beyond our petty issues, and really, really, for the last time, stop fighting in the name of our Gods! But this is also the time when we should realize we cannot take so many people with us on a journey that will probably take a few generations of evolution and coming of age, mentally, socially, economically, emotionally, and spiritually. That is a place we should no doubt aim for, but we cannot get there without the rules being enforced in the game we are playing today. Today's reality is that a lot of people have arguments over religion, and right now, before us, the Bajrang Dal has taken strong exception to a Christian group's overture. This incident could spark mistrust, uneasiness, and outright destruction, and once again, we have chaos in our country due to someone's stupidity.

That's what our fight in the long run is going to be against - stupidity. Stupidity in all forms must be questioned and checked and torn to shreds by all and whatever means possible. The longer stupidity goes unquestioned, the stronger it will get and the harder it will come to bite us. We are in too deep into this connected world to remain immune to others' stupidity. It is here to threaten us and it will destroy us if we are not willing to fight it all the way. But we cannot fight it without looking at it in the face.

It would hurt us not to understand the animals that are in this circus, for the cages are being rattled right now, once again.

This one was started by the Christians. The Bishop of Mangalore came on TV and mentioned that he appealed for peace, and has apparently asked for all Christians held in police custody to be released immediately, but I didn't really hear an apology for denouncing Hindu gods. An attack is an attack whether you do it with printed words or with breaking buildings. So far in this specific set of incidents from Mangalore, there have been no sweeping statements from Hindus denouncing these attacks on churches, and I predict there won't be too many of those coming up this time.

Why not? Because - Hindus don't really appreciate this kind of behaviour, but are certainly inclusive enough in their thinking to understand how the Bajrang Dal or any other Hindu group is likely to feel, given the actions of "New Life". As far as I'm concerned, New Life attacked and are now feeling the heat of retaliation.

There was plenty of Hindu outrage over the destruction of the Babri Masjid, and to this day that incident remains a really sad reminder of what the country will have to suffer if one group of lunatics is allowed to go that far. Since then, we have seen terror attacks, religious riots, destruction, loss of productivity, and countless acts of insanity in the name of religion and God. Your God vs. my God. Ours versus theirs. Stupidity, most certainly, but in a country where the majority is overwhelmingly Hindu, no matter our stated secular ethos, you cannot forgive the minority for their stupidity and hope the majority won't react to it. So, it wouldn't hurt the minorities to understand what Hindus are made of, if only to make informed choices on whose Gods to denounce the next time.

Religious conversion is really not something that necessarily irks followers of the Hindu way of life, for we understand religion is a personal thing, and people are indeed free in a secular country to choose whatever religion they want. But we also understand and respect that there are unspoken but clear lines that people should not cross. We know that such a line was crossed when a religious body or organization made a spectacularly stupid statement denouncing Gods of another religion. If this line was crossed, then that's what started these "incidents" in Mangalore. No smoke without fire.

Hindus understand that not a lot of converts to Christianity are signing up because of their love of Christ. In fact, walk into most churches around the country and you will see only poor people from bacward sections of society who have come to find at the church, not in Christianity or in the soul of Christ, whatever it is they are looking for. I went to a church once for a non religious reason, in the rather posh 6th main road in H.A.L. 2nd stage in Bangalore. I was thoroughly disappointed when the pastor, a fairly slick man who was clearly not used to being slick, addressed the crowd and said they must all love Jesus for the Hindus needed to shower their Gods and dress them and what not, but you don't have to do any of that to Jesus! Huge cheers went up! This guy was a riot! That's the kind of mentality that signs up for being "converted" to Christianity in India these days, so if you want to feel great about recruiting this kind of sheep, they're all yours, baby!

At the end of the sermon, I noticed a lot of people were dressed in festive looking clothes, and they all looked like villagers who were in the city for the first time! Sorry, but that's the impression I got looking at them. They looked rather gaudy, they were rather noisy, and completely sold on the joy of being in that church, while the church was busy collecting money from all of them before they could leave their benches! If they didn't have to shower and clothe Jesus, wonder what they need their money for.

While we shower our Gods and want to make life really comfortable for them, I wonder how Jesus really feels about being nailed to the cross and having to hang there for centuries after the crime was committed. I don't subscribe to the "Jesus died for us" theory, so save your reaction. Why should Jesus die for us? He has already lived a live of great example, and we should pick up after him and follow what he preached, not expect him to soak up our sins! What baloney! And the gall to still hang more sin on Jesus! No wonder he doesn't want to show up anytime soon. Of course, this is all none of my business, but heck, don't you Christians want everyone to embrace Jesus? So, what's wrong with my interpretation? If I robbed a bank, I wonder if the pastor who made fun of me showering my God will be wiling to go to jail in my place. There, the answer to that question tells me how fake you Christian zealots are.

There is this mistaken notion that somehow Hinduism and non-violence are inextricably linked. Gandhi is partly guilty of propagating this image, but looking at Kali Mata, Maha Vishnu, Shiva or Narasimha in their fastest recollected avatars, I wouldn't think they are in any mood to negotiate peacefully. Our Gods have weapons! And they're all known for vanquishing a lot of fools! How do you expect me to worship them and not follow in their celebrated footsteps? Here's the part you Hindu bashers really, really need to worry about - there's not ONE story in Hinduism where one of our Gods magnanimously forgave a grave wrongdoer on the battlefield. Not one who begged for mercy got away with it at the last moment. The bad guys were ALL vanquished, killed, obliterated, destroyed or eliminated. So, don't you dare fool yourselves that we will keep on taking shit from others. Gandhi is not worshipped as a God either, so make your choices wisely.

Our Gods don't move easily. They wait and watch, rather endlessly. Even Ravana had his chance to reverse the wrong he had committed. We will give you that chance. But if you push it, you know what happened to Ravana. We may choose violence late, but we will pick up arms, and not feel guilty about one thing we do after that point.

Now, that doesn't mean we go looking for trouble and trashing other people's religions. The funny thing about Christianity is that I have immense love, respect and regard for Jesus Christ, for the life he led, for the compassion he showered upon the world, and for the unbelievably superior example he set for purity of soul. Whether he is the son of God, or God himself, or a distant cousin, doesn't matter to me. He is Jesus, and he is good enough for me to accept him as God. But Christians I have come across aren't quite worthy of a soul this good to be their saviour. I am always disillusioned rudely by the kind of nonsense Christians stand for in the name of the one and only Jesus Christ.

He isn't quite the God that my clan goddess Malaiamman is, and he certainly is no Lord Krishna. But he has a place in my heart. For sure if Jesus asked something of me, I'd be more than happy to do it for him. But he's not quite the God I'd give up other Gods for. I love the dispassionate warrior that Krishna is, and he has the entire universe in his mouth? Now, that's my kind of God. The kind of God nobody can mess with, nobody can question, and he won't even look at you if you are being petty with your stupid squabbles and being a little shithead around your stupid little planet. Krishna demands some serious understanding of the cosmos and your insignificant little corner in it. Yet, there he is in The Gita, urging you to fight the good fight, regardless of the consequences. After all it was he who informed Arjuna, "I'm the beginning and the end, and all that lies in between". Now that's a God I'd bow to. Confidence, mastery, all encompassing knowledge, absolute power! I surrender. Krishna, you have me absolutely hooked. Even if you're entirely fictional as some people might have the gall to claim, you're still greater than all other Gods I know!

Yet, neither Krishna nor Jesus found it necessary to trash each other. So, when I don't find it necessary to trash Jesus as a fake, what right do these Christian shitheads have to trash any of my Gods? These monkeys are fair game, Bajrang Dal. Don't let them get away. I'm cheering for you, no matter how you choose to retaliate for the attacks on your sentiments. Now, don't go around breaking mosques with stupid claims of some temple being buried underneath, for that is totally wrong, but this time, you have no need to prove you're on the right side. Stupidity should invite ire.

What is interesting is that never in history has any Hindu organization ever trashed the Gods of another faith. Sure we have jokes about Jesus and Allah, and every God we are familiar with, but we are ready to slap the face of that Danish cartoonist who drew The Prophet as a bomber and the idiot who published it. That's a line we'd never cross. And please, for the love of your own God, don't cross it, especially in a country that is over 85% Hindu.

One Max Arthur Macauliffe, a highly placed British administrator serving British India, once famously told Sikhs that Hinduism was like a "boa constrictor of the Indian forests," which "winds its opponent and finally causes it to disappear in its capacious interior." Hinduism has an enormous capacity for love and tolerance. It has a capacity to assimilate everything around it. You will have to study it for ten lifetimes to understand it just a little bit. You cannot escape the Hindu influence over you if you are in India. Do not fight it and encourage it to digest you entirely. That is simply the way Lord Krishna will tell you it is!