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I know a lot of people who are not happy in their marriages, and definitely more boring people after they got married than before.
I know a lot who are divorced and bitter, or even worse, sad. It doesn't matter whether the marriages are arranged or the partners chosen by each other - both sides of the aisle present candidates richly unfit for marriage. Clearly, there aren't that many formulae that work these days for a happy marriage, but I've noticed it is a certain "type" of people that indeed find marital bliss. You're not going to change the type of person you are, so you can delve into this simple set of questions to figure out if you are fit just for the wedding (which all your noble "qualifications" are good at determining), or indeed for the marriage that follows.
10. Are you getting married for any reason other than because it seems like the "right" thing to do?
9. Is your mate the person you would love to hang out with, no matter what life presents?
8. Do you have infinite patience and love for children, even at their irritating worst?
7. Do you have a sense of humour that peaks when life is hardest?
6. Do you know how to let your partner learn from his/her mistakes without saying "I told you so"?
5. Do you know to communicate how strongly you feel about something without getting emotional?
4. Is it important for you to really enjoy good sex?
3. Do you have a reserve tank of energy for emergencies that come up daily?
2. Are you a fun person that others would want to have around?
1. Are you crazy about your life, your friends, their lives, your family, their families, little ones, a packed schedule and the sheer madness of normal life and yet able to get away from it when you need a moment of quiet?
If you answered NO to any of the above, you might very well be fit for the wedding, but still unfit for marriage. My advice to you - don't get married. It's that simple. If you do, and life sucks, please stop complaining to others. Your marriage is what followed after your wedding, not mine!
On a positive note, don't buy into this crap that every marriage has its ups and downs. It is usually the smart ones that have most of the ups and the dumb ones that have most of the downs!
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
An ally called Objective Reality
There are four thousand young people who move into the city of Los Angeles on a daily basis, following their dream of becoming successful actors in the cinema industry. Many of them have intense belief - an emotional component that is equally noteworthy amongst youngsters moving to cities like Mumbai and Chennai, following the same dream.
A week away from being slapped in the face by the outcome of the US presidential election, John McCain believes he will win and go on to become the next president. There is a theoretical chance of course, but it is akin to needing 36 runs in the last over of a cricket match - possible, but highly improbable. That's why it has never been achieved. That is objective reality. All knowledge begs us to respect this objective reality, while this pesky thing called "belief" can often step in to reinforce the impossible chance!
Faith and belief are inherently risky things to give any sort of importance to, unless all objective reality and the acknowledgment of such has already been comprehensively thrown out! Belief is that elusive something you will hear from people who succeeded against impossible odds. The truth is, belief played no part, but statistics did. The odds were not beaten, merely reinforced. Those who succeed in these circumstances do so because there already exists a small window of opportunity and they are willing to hang in there hoping to be lucky. It has nothing to do with belief when the chance of being hit by lightning is actually bigger than the chance of winning the biggest lotteries.
The reality is, even the ones who didn't hang around long enough to tell us their stories, those who failed and had to give up, also had belief! Even if they had hung around longer, they would have failed, just because the statistics are stacked against them. Why then, do we promote this nonsense called belief, faith, and so on? Quite simply it is because of our inability to tell someone to base their efforts on mere statistical chance! Faith and belief can give us something to hold on to, however illusionary that may be - to stay positive and run hard while not really acknowledging that sometimes, effort can only go that far, and beyond that, we are as much creatures of chance as we are anything else we might imagine.
In taking stock of an individual's chances of becoming rich, for instance, neither effort nor faith, neither objectivism nor prayer can actually guarantee a favourable result. But those who did take their opportunities and based their judgement on a fundamentally sound direction definitely came out on top. People in the community of successful businesses will put less on faith and more on running hard when they know it is time to accelerate their efforts. This is based on acknowledging the objective realities before them. But asking Tiger Woods to be a standout example of "high performance" that we can all emulate is a bit too much. For a genius breakout success like Tiger Woods to take place, a lot of elements have to naturally find their places together. Vijay Singh probably puts in more effort than Woods, but hasn't seen the same kind of success.
What works in the favour of enterprising people engaged in business ventures is that the onus comes onto them, and on certain market factors which they can still work to their advantage, giving importance to understanding and processing information. There are usually many ways to succeed, unlike actors, for instance, whose success depends on someone else's perceptions at a particular time and a potentially life altering decision that might simply "work out". So, what advice can we sincerely give someone who wants to pursue a chance of being successful in a highly unpredictable line of endeavour? The truthful advice would indeed be "Do your best to prepare for an opportunity that might never come!"
The power of prayer is the one unknown that is yet to be acknowledged as a balance tilter. Coming from someone as competitive and celebrated as Billie Jean King, who said she would have achieved a lot more had she realized the power of prayer earlier on, there has to be some truth to it. There are some parts of this realm outside the purview of knowledge that can be applied to every individual. Hence, it is a challenge to ask people to pray and be serious about it!
The truth is, there is an objective reality that stares down upon us all the time. Some of us acknowledge it and use it to our advantage. Most will perish under its intense glare by ignoring it - it is just too cold to handle for most of us. All suffering is because of a refusal to acknowledge the presence of an objective reality. Knowledge can free us, even while being painful. Faith can destroy us, even while being positive. Stupidity, on the other hand, can be the sweetest, shortest ride to doom. It takes stupidity to use faith instead of knowledge.
In choosing our friends and relationships, it doesn't take much for us to decide what influence is good for us and what can be potentially destructive. And yet, all over human society, we can see some of us stuck in relationships that are purely corrosive, erosive of all good energy, and heading towards, at best, a prolonged state of agony. Yet, we will continue to hear from people their summary dismissal of all objective reality, giving themselves excuses and reasons to maintain status quo just for the comfort of the familiar.
There is no guarantee that we live longer by using the seat belt. But it definitely improves our chance of survival in a collision. It is by observing more and more of reality that we have longer life spans today than we did during the stone age. Humans have not progressed by faith and belief. Every step we have taken forward, we have taken because of someone's worship of knowledge and an embrace of curiosity.
And yet, we pray, consult psychics, perform rituals, give our Gods special places in our inconsistent, inconsequential lives, and put unnecessary pressure on them to perform where we might fail! We wear lucky stones, lucky colours, look for auspicious times to do things and basically do everything in our power to ignore objective reality that tells us simply what we need to do better or more than others to get ahead. Now, the number one cause for us to do this has to be laziness. How convenient if we can blame luck instead of lack of effort or understanding! The second more important cause for us to choose this line of reasoning is fear - fear that we might fail despite our best efforts. Fear and ignorance! The two biggest, least mysterious causes for all human problems. May we live to fight them! And may we celebrate reality for the best friend it is!
A week away from being slapped in the face by the outcome of the US presidential election, John McCain believes he will win and go on to become the next president. There is a theoretical chance of course, but it is akin to needing 36 runs in the last over of a cricket match - possible, but highly improbable. That's why it has never been achieved. That is objective reality. All knowledge begs us to respect this objective reality, while this pesky thing called "belief" can often step in to reinforce the impossible chance!
Faith and belief are inherently risky things to give any sort of importance to, unless all objective reality and the acknowledgment of such has already been comprehensively thrown out! Belief is that elusive something you will hear from people who succeeded against impossible odds. The truth is, belief played no part, but statistics did. The odds were not beaten, merely reinforced. Those who succeed in these circumstances do so because there already exists a small window of opportunity and they are willing to hang in there hoping to be lucky. It has nothing to do with belief when the chance of being hit by lightning is actually bigger than the chance of winning the biggest lotteries.
The reality is, even the ones who didn't hang around long enough to tell us their stories, those who failed and had to give up, also had belief! Even if they had hung around longer, they would have failed, just because the statistics are stacked against them. Why then, do we promote this nonsense called belief, faith, and so on? Quite simply it is because of our inability to tell someone to base their efforts on mere statistical chance! Faith and belief can give us something to hold on to, however illusionary that may be - to stay positive and run hard while not really acknowledging that sometimes, effort can only go that far, and beyond that, we are as much creatures of chance as we are anything else we might imagine.
In taking stock of an individual's chances of becoming rich, for instance, neither effort nor faith, neither objectivism nor prayer can actually guarantee a favourable result. But those who did take their opportunities and based their judgement on a fundamentally sound direction definitely came out on top. People in the community of successful businesses will put less on faith and more on running hard when they know it is time to accelerate their efforts. This is based on acknowledging the objective realities before them. But asking Tiger Woods to be a standout example of "high performance" that we can all emulate is a bit too much. For a genius breakout success like Tiger Woods to take place, a lot of elements have to naturally find their places together. Vijay Singh probably puts in more effort than Woods, but hasn't seen the same kind of success.
What works in the favour of enterprising people engaged in business ventures is that the onus comes onto them, and on certain market factors which they can still work to their advantage, giving importance to understanding and processing information. There are usually many ways to succeed, unlike actors, for instance, whose success depends on someone else's perceptions at a particular time and a potentially life altering decision that might simply "work out". So, what advice can we sincerely give someone who wants to pursue a chance of being successful in a highly unpredictable line of endeavour? The truthful advice would indeed be "Do your best to prepare for an opportunity that might never come!"
The power of prayer is the one unknown that is yet to be acknowledged as a balance tilter. Coming from someone as competitive and celebrated as Billie Jean King, who said she would have achieved a lot more had she realized the power of prayer earlier on, there has to be some truth to it. There are some parts of this realm outside the purview of knowledge that can be applied to every individual. Hence, it is a challenge to ask people to pray and be serious about it!
The truth is, there is an objective reality that stares down upon us all the time. Some of us acknowledge it and use it to our advantage. Most will perish under its intense glare by ignoring it - it is just too cold to handle for most of us. All suffering is because of a refusal to acknowledge the presence of an objective reality. Knowledge can free us, even while being painful. Faith can destroy us, even while being positive. Stupidity, on the other hand, can be the sweetest, shortest ride to doom. It takes stupidity to use faith instead of knowledge.
In choosing our friends and relationships, it doesn't take much for us to decide what influence is good for us and what can be potentially destructive. And yet, all over human society, we can see some of us stuck in relationships that are purely corrosive, erosive of all good energy, and heading towards, at best, a prolonged state of agony. Yet, we will continue to hear from people their summary dismissal of all objective reality, giving themselves excuses and reasons to maintain status quo just for the comfort of the familiar.
There is no guarantee that we live longer by using the seat belt. But it definitely improves our chance of survival in a collision. It is by observing more and more of reality that we have longer life spans today than we did during the stone age. Humans have not progressed by faith and belief. Every step we have taken forward, we have taken because of someone's worship of knowledge and an embrace of curiosity.
And yet, we pray, consult psychics, perform rituals, give our Gods special places in our inconsistent, inconsequential lives, and put unnecessary pressure on them to perform where we might fail! We wear lucky stones, lucky colours, look for auspicious times to do things and basically do everything in our power to ignore objective reality that tells us simply what we need to do better or more than others to get ahead. Now, the number one cause for us to do this has to be laziness. How convenient if we can blame luck instead of lack of effort or understanding! The second more important cause for us to choose this line of reasoning is fear - fear that we might fail despite our best efforts. Fear and ignorance! The two biggest, least mysterious causes for all human problems. May we live to fight them! And may we celebrate reality for the best friend it is!
Labels:
human behaviour,
india,
objective reality,
relationships,
social,
society,
superstition
Friday, September 26, 2008
Gay Sex Immoral? Says who?
Says the Central Government of India, no less!
http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20080066818
The Centre does not want homosexuality decriminalized! I wonder who the geniuses are who criminalized it in the first place! And now the Centre is showing its reverence to another archaic law.
{{"It (decriminalising homosexuality) may create breach of peace. If it were allowed, then evils of AIDS and HIV would further spread and harm the people. It would lead to big health hazard. It would degrade moral values of the society," Additional Solicitor General P P Malhotra contended.}}
Breach of peace? Oh, yes, this must be it! All the bombs going off must be due to our homosexual people really getting it on these days!
Big health hazard? To "the people"? It isn't as if homosexuals suddenly became "people", right? So, who exactly are we talking about here? Whose health? I would like to ask this moron if he considered urinating and defecating on streets very hygienic and uplifting to the moral fibre of our society. Surely those are not criminal acts?! Degrade the moral values of the society? - Why does this sound like it came right out of an essay competition in a government school? This is precisely the kind of sentence that would get kudos from incompetent slobs allowed to infest the mechanisms of institutions set up to reach idealistic goals without a thought for applicable truths.
This is precisely the kind of carpet under which the essence of India can get swept under, to be forever suppressed by moral policing that doesn't fool anybody but can hurt everybody. This calls for an outrage among all Indians who respect the Indian constitution and our fundamental rights. If we have freedom of expression, then this is an attack on our freedom of expression, no less.
Just because two people of the same gender express their feelings for each other through their physical act, how in heaven's name can it "harm the people"? Is it even conceivable that I look at two homos making out and I suddenly decide to pounce upon the nearest member of my own gender? What morals are we talking about here?
We have an Additional Solicitor General, no less, applying his value system to keep a law that already violates fundamental human rights? Doesn't this fool know India is a signatory to all the Human Rights Declarations in the world? Just because homosexuals are in a minority doesn't mean the rest of us have a right to make them criminals. Moreover, even if it was what is being claimed here, would criminalizing homosexual acts deter the birth of people who are oriented towards homosexuality? This is plain old interference and must not be tolerated at any level.
In fact, this is no different from criminalizing being handicapped! "Hey, look at that guy limping in public! Jail him!" People don't choose to be handicapped, you idiot! And they don't choose to be homosexuals or heterosexuals either. It is just the way we are who we are! Other people's sexual orientation, and indeed preference, if there were such a thing, should not become our business or the business of the government or any kind of collective.
This is not a matter that should be legislated, leave alone enforced. Just because it may be embarrassing to some of the old fashioned coots in government, we cannot stop our country from embracing reality and moving on towards a just and equitable society. We just cannot get into these archaic and barbaric notions of good moral behaviour. We cannot be standing in the sidelines watching the rights of our countrymen and woman get trampled.
After all, we are a country that quietly practices dowry, bride burning, untouchability, casteism, cronyism, corruption, bribery, and various other forms of absolutely illegal, anti-national acts. Which act of homosexuality ever hampered another person's existence like any of these do?
{{Countering the contentions of the gay right activists, the government said that such behaviour is not a natural trait but a reflection of a perverse mind.}}
A perverse mind! I wonder how this guy knows! - How is the Additional Solicitor General even qualified to make a comment like this, leave alone a counter argument? Not a natural trait? If you say so, God! Who is this idiot in this position? A reflection of a perverse mind? Let's see whose mind is perverse here. People who want to go about their business without needless persecution or those who want them to lead secretive lives just to preserve their human rights?
The funny part is, I have never seen or heard of homosexual people anywhere in the world ever arguing for equality's sake that heterosexuality must also be criminalized! As far as I can see, they are not bothered by heterosexuality. So, they must have perverse minds! If they had normal, argumentative, politically sharp minds, they should be asking for this, shouldn't they?
{{"Homosexuality is a social vice and the state has the power to contain it," the government contended.}} A social vice? You mean like smoking and drinking and beating up the wife and gambling and all those silly things people do socially? So, it's no big deal, right? A social vice? Aha! All along I thought this was a moral issue! Sorry Solicitor General, I got all mixed up! For a moment, I thought you were being serious. Phew! Good one!
http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20080066818
The Centre does not want homosexuality decriminalized! I wonder who the geniuses are who criminalized it in the first place! And now the Centre is showing its reverence to another archaic law.
{{"It (decriminalising homosexuality) may create breach of peace. If it were allowed, then evils of AIDS and HIV would further spread and harm the people. It would lead to big health hazard. It would degrade moral values of the society," Additional Solicitor General P P Malhotra contended.}}
Breach of peace? Oh, yes, this must be it! All the bombs going off must be due to our homosexual people really getting it on these days!
Big health hazard? To "the people"? It isn't as if homosexuals suddenly became "people", right? So, who exactly are we talking about here? Whose health? I would like to ask this moron if he considered urinating and defecating on streets very hygienic and uplifting to the moral fibre of our society. Surely those are not criminal acts?! Degrade the moral values of the society? - Why does this sound like it came right out of an essay competition in a government school? This is precisely the kind of sentence that would get kudos from incompetent slobs allowed to infest the mechanisms of institutions set up to reach idealistic goals without a thought for applicable truths.
This is precisely the kind of carpet under which the essence of India can get swept under, to be forever suppressed by moral policing that doesn't fool anybody but can hurt everybody. This calls for an outrage among all Indians who respect the Indian constitution and our fundamental rights. If we have freedom of expression, then this is an attack on our freedom of expression, no less.
Just because two people of the same gender express their feelings for each other through their physical act, how in heaven's name can it "harm the people"? Is it even conceivable that I look at two homos making out and I suddenly decide to pounce upon the nearest member of my own gender? What morals are we talking about here?
We have an Additional Solicitor General, no less, applying his value system to keep a law that already violates fundamental human rights? Doesn't this fool know India is a signatory to all the Human Rights Declarations in the world? Just because homosexuals are in a minority doesn't mean the rest of us have a right to make them criminals. Moreover, even if it was what is being claimed here, would criminalizing homosexual acts deter the birth of people who are oriented towards homosexuality? This is plain old interference and must not be tolerated at any level.
In fact, this is no different from criminalizing being handicapped! "Hey, look at that guy limping in public! Jail him!" People don't choose to be handicapped, you idiot! And they don't choose to be homosexuals or heterosexuals either. It is just the way we are who we are! Other people's sexual orientation, and indeed preference, if there were such a thing, should not become our business or the business of the government or any kind of collective.
This is not a matter that should be legislated, leave alone enforced. Just because it may be embarrassing to some of the old fashioned coots in government, we cannot stop our country from embracing reality and moving on towards a just and equitable society. We just cannot get into these archaic and barbaric notions of good moral behaviour. We cannot be standing in the sidelines watching the rights of our countrymen and woman get trampled.
After all, we are a country that quietly practices dowry, bride burning, untouchability, casteism, cronyism, corruption, bribery, and various other forms of absolutely illegal, anti-national acts. Which act of homosexuality ever hampered another person's existence like any of these do?
{{Countering the contentions of the gay right activists, the government said that such behaviour is not a natural trait but a reflection of a perverse mind.}}
A perverse mind! I wonder how this guy knows! - How is the Additional Solicitor General even qualified to make a comment like this, leave alone a counter argument? Not a natural trait? If you say so, God! Who is this idiot in this position? A reflection of a perverse mind? Let's see whose mind is perverse here. People who want to go about their business without needless persecution or those who want them to lead secretive lives just to preserve their human rights?
The funny part is, I have never seen or heard of homosexual people anywhere in the world ever arguing for equality's sake that heterosexuality must also be criminalized! As far as I can see, they are not bothered by heterosexuality. So, they must have perverse minds! If they had normal, argumentative, politically sharp minds, they should be asking for this, shouldn't they?
{{"Homosexuality is a social vice and the state has the power to contain it," the government contended.}} A social vice? You mean like smoking and drinking and beating up the wife and gambling and all those silly things people do socially? So, it's no big deal, right? A social vice? Aha! All along I thought this was a moral issue! Sorry Solicitor General, I got all mixed up! For a moment, I thought you were being serious. Phew! Good one!
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